1. Get a part-time Job
2. Enter art competition
3. Go to the cinema by myself
4. Travel to South Island
Make Kimchi successfully by myself I used internet recipe but I added too much ginger( I hate ginger). However it was still quite nice and I made so much, I would like to share them with my friends but I’m not sure they will like it.
6. Able to have a conversation in Chinese
7. Visit China
8. Get my driver’s licence
9. Make up for things I regret the most
11. Donate to North Korean Refuge Charity
12. Take a bus to a place I’ve never been before
13. Try Food that I’ve never tried before
14. Walk 15min everyday
15. Get excepted to Elam Art school
16. Get a job that I’d enjoy
17. Treat my parents with the money that I earned
18. Travel with my parents
19. Love someone with all my heart
20. Meet a North Korean person
21. Go to the script concert
22. Get married with someone I love
23. Sell an art work
24. Have my own art exhibition
25. Draw for a stranger on the street
26. See my grandma
27. Go to a circus
28. Do something that would scare the shit out of me
29. Buy a perfume that I love
Most importantly BE happy
I had two weeks of holiday, and I pretty much wasted time until…today.
One bloody week has already gone by and somehow I do not hate myself for that. For the past 3 days I went to bed at about 3am and woke up really late. This feels kind of weird because combined with staying up, I have the house to myself (my flat owner’s family had gone for a holiday). I feel like I’m the only person in the world because I stay at home and when I am most active, other people are sleeping. This is something I often wanted when I had a crappy conflict with some people.
Once when I felt really depressed and was sick of hurting others and others hurting me I imagined a empty world except some animals who won’t kill me.
Sometimes when I’m about to sleep…the moment when everything is silent and I am forced to think, my past, and worries haunt me. So I like being preoccupied by TV, movies, books…anything to get my mind off myself.
I realise I am the biggest obstacle to my life.
Despite my low self esteem I am quite content right this moment. I have no reason to be unhappy. No one is telling me what to do, what not to do, or judging me.
Today I started a pastel drawing of children smiling and I am happy with the process. I am half way through pencil drawing. Drawing makes me feel proud because I can see the process I made. The sad thing is that random past regrets hit me when I am shading. I’m in the process of letting go or forgiving myself. I have not reached my destination and this might take several years. I don’t want my mind to rot as I get older, I want to mature.
I went to the library today and got out some books and met my classmate. She was a top student and asked me, “ah~ having fun with your history assignment?” I just let out a small embarrassed laughter and told her that I haven’t done any work this week( because I don’t want the genius teacher who sighs at my stupid essays to read my work.) I’m disappointed with myself, I hate being judged so much that I’m letting it get in the way of my education.
I got home ate two bowls of chocolate ice cream and watched a TV documentary about Laos.
Both my mom and my friend had ignored my messages, I’m such a loner
Right now I can do whatever I want but I feel slightly lonely.
I really want a job. Luckily I can keep up my average grade and I have spare time to work, make myself more useful rather than being this lazy burden. JUST give me a chance please.
I made my CV and tried hard to improve it..
I went to several supermarket several times and applied several times and saw how a girl were in similar circumstance as me get the job but I didn’t.
I asked on yahoo to check
I went around shops asking people if they are hiring anyone..
I want to know what the problem is so that I can fix it..
I just want someone to give me a chance.
My parents had sacrificed so much for me and if I can but don’t do anything to financially support myself, what kind of person am I?
There is a saying that is you fall over a stone, you don’t need to blame yourself or the stone for being there. But if you fall over several times in the same way then it’s your fault.
Yes I have realized I am the problem so could anyone tell me a way not to fall over again?
I’m most content in my room.
I have 2 blogs, one in korean and one in English..recently Korean has been easier to illustrate my thoughts and the system of the other one was easier. However…my parents asked about my korean blog address…At the time, I just told them but now I kind of regret telling them because I’m still not comfortable with people close to me reading my personal, someime even depressing or embarrasing ideas and thoughts. I don’t want them to worry about me. Especially after my sister mocked and insulted me with what I wrote on my korean blog. After that I was afraid. Here no one I know reads my blog.
I won’t write the recipe down because my stomach felt quite uncomfortable after eating eat. None the less, this doesn’t mean that the dish was a failure. In fact the taste was quite good.
We had some crab left, and I found a perfect recipe on internet. The problem was I didn’t exactly follow the recipe when I realized that I didn’t have all the materials.
Here are some ‘changes’ that I made
I added lots of hot chili peppers, chili powder,spring onion and onion. After realizing the soup didn’t taste good enough I added a life saving ingredient. Left over instant noodle powder(the thing that you put in to enhance the flavours). Still something wasn’t quite right. I thought, “what the hell, I’m just going to add whatever seems right”. I added shrimp and pickled squid and parsley. In the end the dish tasted quite right. It was spicy and full of seafood flavours.
HOWever, my stomach seem to protest as a fire seem to be harbouring inside me. Maybe the cause for my discomfort is from something else, who knows. Anyhow, one of my family members gave it a try. She seems to be fine. I will give it another try later.
My evil? creation reminded me